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A GHOSTLY EMBRACE
faded photographs adorn the old table
where we used to play as kids
their edges now tattered and hardly any trace
of painful memories
could linger through thick and thin.
crammed in my thoughts,
the summer wishes and winter dreams
just can't solidify the wild proposition
that was once mine to give
but gone again.
shedding the cocoon, throwing away the blues
once more i tried to straighten
convoluted thinking and actions
only to be wasted unjustly as sweet whispers
are wafted to earth... in vain.
(sept. 11, 1997)
I AM ALREADY DEAD: UNBREAK MY HEART
outlived by you
i found myself floating
among withered leaves
beneath stormy skies,
left unforgiven by love.
visions of catharsis
fulfilled by diminished returns
are wafted to earth
not knowing another storm loomed
on the horizon.
rings of smoke slowly rose
as songs were sung
and tears shed
only to remember someone
so far from home.
i could be dead to you
but memories
of our sweet moments together
will live
as long as i am dead--
and that's forever.
i loved you before i died...
and i still do.
(apr. 20, 1997)
I DO
remember when
words flew out of the blue
and didn’t mean a thing or two?
the shivers and the thrills escaped me
as things that simply happened
and my endless thoughts of you
amid rains, laughter, and tears.
a touch and a kiss--i tried them all at first
but failed to somehow connect
with your untamed heart
but one day your eyes looked different
from the whispers of the clouds
and the crests of the waves
as we survive each day of speechless sighs
and tapered conversations.
but as we now join to be one
i try to bring back time as if
willing to retrace our footprints before
the waves trumple upon them
and start anew--
like me and you.
(aug. 1, 1999)
IS IT BETTER?
the evening cries out in the midst of a winter solace
gently reminiscing an elusive laugh
and a wishful sigh that delicately echoes
the traversed lines of prose
ornamented in deep hues of crimson.
the willingness of the soul creeps to tickle me
but instead the frowned face wrinkled more
as if the wit and humor never exist
even with the assertion that surfaced as cities
collide, thoughts awry.
the staccato laughs slowly fade
and words collide with thoughts of freedom
as the vertigo reunites with the tide of endless sensation
to fulfill a promise so ghostly spread for eyes to see
but as words pour into a paper cup
i glance at the dark sky and see the spirit that tries
to perfuse the cadaver of insatiable appetite now long gone.
is the eclipse coming back?
(nov. 8, 1998)
IS IT YOU?
your voice sparkles as it strikes a chord,
the ticking clock stops and looks at you
even i don't realize the beauty of analyzing
the will power of merciless pleas
as utensils subtly wink at me
only to partake in the luncheon of wits
and laughs.
the frequent ebbs and flows of the mind
sometimes burst into a springtime splendor
of colors
and the ubiquitous fragrance of flowers
whose presence teasingly opposes the packet,
enclosed within a sobbing heart
now disagreeably uncertain as to why winter's solace
takes so long.
shall i pass?
the entrance into the pulpit of adoration
projects into an oblivious feeling of warmth
generously tucked into the envelope of promise
as snow melts and flowers bloom
once again, and do not fret--
it will be spring once again.
(feb. 21, 1998)
IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES,
IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES
(with apologies to charles dickens)
as if the moon was inviting me
to come out and play
just as i did when nights were fun
and seemingly not an end in sight
but as trees grew taller
and mom got older
i stopped thinking the way it was,
carefully seeing things in a different perspective
as if i could control the reins of life
undefined by immature minds,
inexperienced moves, untried valor.
thinking of you on nights like this
just erases the pains that envelope my soul
and even if the wound never heals
i can endure each minute that you're away
and no one to talk to, no one to see.
but oh, i have found a different world when brighter
days accompanied your smiles and gently
caressing my aching heart
and you willfully tossed aside better days
for a woeful friend.
within the crevasses of maturity
i rest under your umbrella
and as we walked to a distant azure sea,
like little children we once again screamed
for a game to be played
only this time it was under a different curtain
and that, my friend, is certain that you and me
surely can do things together well enough
that we smile once more with parted lips
as we walk towards a burnished afternoon sky.
summer wishes, winter dreams.
(not dated)
I WONDER
there i sit looking at the sunset transforming
itself into a wondrous view
birds chirping, silhouetted against bare trees
clouds uniting to bring the day to a conclusion
and exit gently as if closing a delicate door
i straighten my back and tell myself
words that no one can hear and
echoes that emanate from the trickles of the sun
as it once again dives into the cold sea--
isn't it any wonder then why the sun
keeps coming back?
(april 6, 2000)
JUST CAUSE
scooping up the new dust
amid untamed desert of conniving wits
almost paralleled by procrastinating clowns
but oh i found a pearl
as i strolled through thick forests--wild and free
for those who believe.
lifting up the curtain of mountain primeval
with melancholic whispers, almost alive with silent taps
of caricatured shadows
and contracted elbows as they strive to survive
the hectic flow of thoughts and words
pierced into eyes of bygone days.
the solitary palm stands tall
with wings of fire fleeing from wayward blues
but energizing a love untouched, unspoken of.
then you showed up in a staccato manner
with measured steps as if in a dance
mellowed by a concert of fictional sighs.
and then there were two.
(jan. 30, 1998)
KISS ME
remember how we used to kiss?
the sweet whispers in your ear
the warm touch to your cheeks
as i cupped my hands with your face
between them?
you close your eyes
gently i kissed your lips quietly at first
savoring the freshness of you
i pulled you closer to me
we let our embraces go only to do more
passionate words come out
saying things i hoped to hear:
"touch me..."
i touched you delicately, lovingly
you responded with gestures
only you can give
as the music finished i saw you
fading away and i was left
with only a pillow to lean on
but at least i felt you were with me--
you were--all those times we made love.
(dec. 16, 1999)
LAZARUS
the island trickled with dust
just as the incoming waves of the storm
rustled the trees,
bringing into the womb of make-believe
and entangled theories the crypt
longing for the mystical body
anointed with the musky oil of life.
when in the mood
the sun gently opens up its curtains
to view the unrecognized gospel
understood only by a select few,
unread by incapacitated minds
without searching for the truth amid
tortuous mountains, now gone before their time.
the breakthrough suddenly appears
to be in synchronization with the ebbs
of transient smiles sent
by ungenerous times when sunsets paint
pictures for the blind--for those who "see"
justice when they feel it--
when life hangs on to the bough...
and lazarus just rises from the dead.
(feb. 9, 1999)
LOOKING DOWN
clouds cry in unison
as anchors drop into the murky waters
off san francisco bay
and as the gulls noisily cram the pier
that pierce into the horizon and longing
to bear fruits of the sea
when everything's nil.
the boats seem to waddle with the current
as if checking an envelope from the forest
that for centuries have aroused interest
to embrace memories
of long ago.
i hear footprints
but are they really there?
the rains have changed into sleet
as the temperature teasingly changed
into what is now another season--
as if it were another invasion of hope
fanned by the undying love for friendship
as i cross the bridge once more
to find if it's really there...
really there.
(july 26, 1998)
LOST AND FOUND
concentric circles form on the water
after the pebble's disturbance
and as the circles move outward
i saw the sky collapse
but it was an illusion known only to me
a pocketful of memories, a special pebble
the wits reincarnated beyond belief
and the rock settles into the bottom
touching silt deep into the throngs of
undiluted decisions.
then the clouds stood aside
as if curtains were drawn
to let a ray shine through.
slowly giving light to the pebble,
paving a path that was once lost
in the abyss of oblivion.
once more giving life to old memories
and an unforgotten past.
as if it was lost
but found again.
jan. 14, 2000
LOST AT SEA
fierce winds wreck non-existent walls
bringing pearls unearthed by cloned hands,
drenching rains unwelcomed by ravaged fields
of dreams
reaching into the abyss
as if total darkness can no longer survive
the elasticity of time.
nights are silenced by embossed pictures
and tortuous brains as if embalming their own
sublime propositions
and words are now subliminally uttered by lips
untouched by the essence of a mortal soul.
but who is to jump overboard
when the will to survive reluctantly erases
past memories that endured the waves
that trampled over the sacred shore
where i first saw the "victory" at sea?
(aug. 25, 1998)
MANY MILES BEFORE I SLEEP
almost narcoleptic, i found myself barefoot
treading over dried leaves left by autumn
and as i looked for the marble i thought i lost
discontentment from a nearby pond
allowed me to disbelieve that even the most careful
driver can drive braille at night,
seemingly undisturbed by the danger that lurks
when the moon is out but clouds hinder the view
almost too nonchalantly.
a three-cornered room appeared like a dream
and as words wafted to earth
i felt myself slowly drifting towards an incoming tsunami
that was once my friend
and i allowed it to swallow me once more
as i gasped for air, almost unbearably agonizing,
yet i tried to convince myself that it is a dream
and i will come back because i know
that the marble will eventually show up
when i most needed it.
can we play?
(aug. 26, 1998)
MEMORIES
digging into the deepest memory bank
stretched arms nurture life's viability
to simplify the needs of one's embraces
and words that supply the smiles
i have never seen, even in dreams
so preciously woven from distant lands
born of love, care, and civilized screams
only to discover the lost interest
in prose.
i look back and see flowers dancing
flawlessly into the night
only to fulfill the thirst of the earth
as i smile once more, looking at you--
virtually lifeless but "alive"
smiling like the day we met
refusing to let go, on and on
as i turn another page of memories
standing by just in case i relearn
to see the nearness of you.
(May 31, 2000)
MONA LISA
the crack of dawn finds me
opening up packages tediously thought of
and written for my morning eyes
to see, for my mind to absorb, and for me to appreciate
and as the morning progresses
into another work day i pray that you, too could enjoy
each minute of travel into your future,
guided by firm belief and a loving heart
that gives birth to a faint smile yet enormously pleasing.
things get above the intimacy of matter
much too complex to understand, even by the
gifted and learned
but i didn't need to be that knowledgeable
to feel the thrill of simply hearing from you
each morning as i wake up to the sound
you make and the smile you give,
twinkling as if graciously alive--
to make me smile again.
(oct. 2, 1997)
NICK O'TIME
broken promises no longer tell lies
as if one chooses to return twisted minds
and free choice
as if trying to extinguish a life unleashed
to roam the road to infinity.
yet the world understands why the beauty
of life is still so strange
amidst all these broken dreams and
puffy lips
with demure antiquities caressed by a rolled die
continually twisting the elapsed sojourn
into the wilderness of love
undiscovered by savage forms that are yet
to be named.
then the smoke stopped
and i still wonder how it was done
maybe it was the sheer thought of you
telling me to abandon ship right
in the nick o' time.
(july 16, 1998)
A NIGHT NEVER ASKS
as the moon blushes and hides among the clouds
i see the beauty of an abstract shadow up above
the still treetops, the twinkling stars
make the scene more like a picture on a canvas
still wet from the artist's brushes
i feel a cold breeze but the silent wind
gushes through my face as if
trying to modify the night and brings me
sweet nothings from a masked soul
longing for yet another night...
that never asks.
(april 15, 2000)
OVER LIFE'S DISCIPLINE
as the grooves get deeper into
the seasoned leathery flesh
and a vision that blurred through time
the bones could no longer support
the body as it sways to and fro
magically as if a puppeteer’s hand
rocks the old cradle.
no one can be so deserving
of life’s ungenerous presents
and unending nags that only dreams
can stand, unnervingly so
but you broke through life’s trials
and toiled with the best of them
and you succeeded with ease--again.
(mar. 21, 1999)
THE OTHER SIDE
the exchange of wit and humor anchors a feeling of awe
and with the advent of a new chapter i foresee the inevitable
task of arranging thoughts
that need to fall back into reality but whose is it?
grasping the eloquence of the wind
and the pattern of unfolding days and nights
i form images of things past, clearing puzzled memories
as words mingled with cultured pearls that dwindled
when painless disasters clarified the impurities
of anonymity.
a wishful thought fanned by the heat of the island sun
slowly drifts eastward through the vast blue waters
navigated by sheer luck and the thrill of finding nothing
but land.
once again another bubble bursts
and as the trapped gas inside wafts into oblivion
i empty my pockets as if trying to lose track of time
and blend in with an enormous jolt from the heavens
then i picture happiness coupled with almost profane laughter,
drenched in sweat and sighs turning into...
careless whispers.
(dec. 9, 1998)
(Thanks to my friend, Myla for inspiring me to write yet another poem.)
OVERPASS
once more i try to pinpoint the meaning
and hope that some tramp recognizes it
but the words don't come easy,
the mind collapses before it connects
to a more subtle thought
and i come forward to meet you again
by chance if i could.
i thought you were leaving the scene
where flowers bloom and mountains sing
to the tunes of alternative music
when jazz just couldn't get into the groove.
the gestures you make are simplified
yet they bluntly mean no more than
a quick wink as if the car you're in
just can't stay closer to the warmth of many
who can no longer feel the presence
of true friendship as we know it.
(june 23, 2000)
OUTSTRETCHED ARMS?
even in the misty morning i crave for you
selflessly i scream out only to bring out
the music in me--music that has lingered
for days on end, seeping into the midst
of the darkness that muttered words
i can no longer grasp with meaning.
as my voice trembled to realize the dream
my heart bursts with awe as it gleefully
accommodated the very essence of my
being--so true that it mimics the picture
of a long-lost fate, the withered pages
of a natural high--and as my smile
generates the thrill of being alone, i pause
to sigh once more, not knowing you were there
standing before me, hands outstretched,
smiling as if there exists a bond between
souls unknown to each other
but friends nonetheless.
(sept. 29, 1999)
PEARLS
can't force mountains to erode when the leaves of autumn
fly up to meet the enormous task of losing the will of thrills
and with the condemnation of the staccato laughs of summer
i cry as if i still have tears
but to the undisclosed feeling that compromised the stars
i climb once again to reach the pedestal that can crumble
as easily as it came up
to meet another glorious day as it rolls into one justifiable means
of laughter.
i sobbed.
(sept. 14, 1999)
THE PHOENIX
five hundred summers i have endured
watching games played in a colossal palace
and viewed from marble seats,
and as burnt incense masked the truth of life
i dared myself to care for the crippled tears
as i deploy yet another ounce of strength
warily intrigued once more when another smoke billows
to let a pyre exist for me.
leaving the fresh dew behind
the crossroads face me with an enormous smile
so puzzlingly unignored by the seamless thoughts
that brought creases to a fine profile
which brings this bird to its last hour--
to lie on the pyre for final transformation
only to rise youthfully alive from the ashes
to live another period.
and i wake up:
i see the sun smiling so brightly
with its intense heat i climb above the horizon
to meet another life so leisurely
taken for granted, crazily so
as if the tint of the sky reflects the craving
for yet another day
with you.
(may 31, 1999)
POLLEN
the glittering rows of flowers on damp soil,
the withdrawal of fortune assumes the trust
put into the wilderness that no longer exists
and even if the rain comes in the spring
the deluge no longer pray for the sun.
all the wide stretches of dusty roads
where frogs used to greet the season
appear only to create a sense of civilization
that oftentimes carries a prize
unbeknownst to man
and we cry out--we long for things we dreamed about
and when flowers bloom again
we try to justify the glitters that actually cry out
in disbelief that we have fallen
into the helmet of the pollen.
(feb. 28, 2000)
REASON TO STAY
when you smile, the world smiles with you
but when you frown, you won't go anywhere
but deep into the crevices of woeful inferno
and as you brush away tears of sacrifice and boredom
the winds of change find an emormous task in
trying to extinguish the fire that swallowed the dream
and rolled it over to the next millennium only to
find that you were there waiting to enhance the
presence of wishful wishes, and mosaic dreams.
and as you continue to smile even with
the dreadful thought of finding no reasons to frown
still the winds couldn't aspire to sweep the land
with havoc unsurpassed for generations only to
find that when you're around the echoes from the wild
just befriend the shriek of laughter and the howling
of the caressing wind as if trying to commit itself
in the performance of the simple gesture---to SMILE.
(sept. 28, 1999)
